I walk a foreign land, taking myself in hand alone and yet not, not alone. The more I accept who I am, the more sobered I become, the more room inside for joy – the quiet stuff of something deeper than the sheer bubbly, welling up and up, then receding for another grand massing wash.
It’s a stripping, gutting fullness growing something most alive most resilient, most sustaining when all my fears die, when I raise the knife and sacrifice their oozing forms, their haunting suggestion it’s somehow, all of it, about my being right or…wrong. About there being one right choice, not a multitude of possible wonders.
Die fear, die. You reek of something no longer needed, no longer relevant. Your home is long gone, far and away from here, that place where we battle over a standard born of death. Too many leagues I’ve travailed beyond your tyranny to stand here and look you in the face any longer than it takes to rip and shred you into bits.
J. Ruth Kelly 
Ruth, this makes the sixth time I have been in here reading your posts in the past three days and have not been able to bring myself to leave a comment. Dear, you simply leave me speechless at times, and this has been one of those times.
The depth of your sensibilities awes me.
So before I begin to stumble and mutter something foolish I will just leave it at this.
I need to raise that knife especially these days. My words sometimes feel like so much bravado in the face of some daunting inner turmoil and related outer obstructions. These words bolster me along when I let them spill out of those times of strength. But. But so much more so when they’re witnessed with such generous affirmation here. So…
Thank you.
I think you have a great point. I agree that pure joy isn’t necessarily bubbly. I like giddy and bubbly but joy to me seems more serene and calm. Seeking the joy that is close friends with peace.
I like giddy and bubbly too…and I sometimes find that joy comes through as serene and then bubbles over and flows out, making for some giddy moments. It seems like it’s about where I am on my path in particular. I’m sure we all have wonderfully unique experiences of joy. No one definition corners it…thankfully!
Powerful. You go!
I’m always surprised, in spite of my belief in the potency of words, at how writing and posting things like this empowers me. Appreciate your presence and encouragement…