And women. And. And life sending strange messages in-between trips to destinations whose meaning find fulfillment in precious little to do with the journey and more with the moment, the now, the pow of this tick tock slice of life as purpose so SURE becomes the icing on the dessert while the coincidental consequence becomes the cake, the stuff of it and the joke is on us all while we eat up big, big life.
The trick is to read the letters, the ingredients to the recipe, the different elements creating the one thing but seeming so very separate…
The words from Dad. From Mom. From the one still texting you because he doesn’t understand why it didn’t work out, the letters in your draft box because you don’t understand how it ended up that you love and cannot have. The messages from friends in distress and the swirling whirl of it all as life hums through each line the same song: love wanting love fulfilling love birthing love instilling love flowing love hoping to stew more love from the brew of all one life has been and might yet be.
The letter I received from my Dad today sits on my desk with a kiss of appreciation from me, reminding me that my Mom sent a letter that left me bawling and sobbing with appreciation. It is strange how powerfully one reaches another and the response so starkly sounds out a difference in spite of the fact that they both reached me deeply. In their own ways. Two completlely different elements in the recipe of love, needful. We get lost when we try to make it all the same…
Where is this ramble going? Where is life going?
My head is spinning today. But my heart quiets every twist, grabbing the threads weaving the same song, sounding out the same word. Today I got letters from men. Two. No, three. And two boys waving at me (my sons) sweetly in passing as they went off with their dad and. It all swirls in my heart. All in one day. They all bear messages unique, one bitter, another balm-like kindness and yet another full, so full of wonderful naked soul. I almost lost my footing trying to figure out what’s in me of what’s coming at me until I went deeper and saw it’s all the same…it’s love seeking more love and crying out when temporarily thwarted (the walls build up the massing wealth and it clamors but wait, wait…). It’s what we do with those lessons we learn that makes for more love or…bitterness.
So many different voices, letters, situations, reaching out.
But they all say the same thing…love. “I want to be in the flow. I want to be a part of what makes me and another whole. I want to add to the restoration of all that’s been lost of love’s best feasts. I want to find my meaning in one place and one place alone: love. Life is nowhere but in love, not at the top at that latest pinnacle of achievement (however much love is in the stuff of it, the stuff no one sees), not at the bottom of the barrel of drunken disconnect (but it’s not too shabby sometimes!), not in hope itself (but it sure keeps us keeping on but only because it reminds us of the stuff of it)…only in love.”
I have a few responses to brew to all these different voices but it’s all still just about one thing.