The following quote from Caroline Myss comes through as a beautiful reminder of why so many things have fallen away in my life.
“When you enter into anything, as a frightened being, that contract you make with another person out of fear, has to fall apart.”
~ Caroline Myss
This truth is so powerful, so earth-shaking important and reminds me of why I made some epic life changes, or rather, began the process of epic life changes over 10 years ago. The difficulty in this and in moving forward into new “contracts” is that so many people draw mainly from fear as a source. This is why I delight in working with the people I work with and getting to know more and more visionaries who refuse fear.
As a parent, it’s critical for me to keep this in mind as I stand with my 17 year old and sometimes a few steps behind her, so as not to hinder her growth. There’s a fine line between fostering wise progress in decision-making and instilling fear. “You should go to college so you don’t end up jobless and penniless at the age of ___.” Or “The best thing to do is go to college since you’re so smart!” This sounds less fearful but it’s still fearful. “Here! I don’t want to feel like I haven’t encouraged what is the mainstream, widely-accepted idea of what’s ‘best’ for you, and what if it saves you from disaster one day? And and and! There could only be one way to honor your intelligence! I can’t think of anything more predictable and safe!”
My 17 year old daughter is brilliant. I have a set of friends who balk at the fact that she’s homeschooling now. Balk. “But she’s so smart!” One even used the term “drop-out.”
Sighs. I. Am. A. Bad. Mother.
I also have a set of friends who cheer this choice and, not only that, but with tremendous enthusiasm, articulating the wisdom they personally see in it.
So, the 17 year old in my care isn’t wanting college right after the high school diploma. She insists on doing it her way, diving into life first. I can’t pull the “mommy knows best” bull on her. Why? Because I don’t know best. It’s her life. The only correct path is the path of soul, of honoring the dynamic, adventure-filled process of unfolding into life. As it was my task, over 25 years ago, to begin to discern what Ruth-traits were fearful masks and reactions and which ones came from dynamic soulfulness, so it continues to be. And the more I embrace love, refuse fear and let go of what I can’t control, the more hope I have, and my loved ones have, of forging those relationships that will last.
On with it…