
Heaven, earth conspire;

lift my eyes beyond this mirage.
A stormswell thunders in these meanstreets
while the softer raging
behind closed doors
behind doors, behind doors still
a labyrinth to
this heart billowing.
clouds soon to unleash
me.
mama thought she knew me, grew me but
these storms conspire to make me real.
come the rain, wash away the rubbish and let’s make new
fields flourishing songs singing loudly
softly out their fruit of love
love
love.
Eight days in Georgia trail behind me now but the water flows more surely within, winding a path of constancy beyond the landslides. The river bathed us in that abandon found when skin sings shock and joy in water barely warmed in summer’s pounding sun. We laughed in a circle of light and water less wily, floating, hair flowing out ahead, forgetting our differences, our past lives, the scars beneath. We followed my two sons in their quest for the sun’s lingering shine on a river we all love. Their little adventure ended in a place perfect where only the crippled and soul-dry weary walk away, a place where clothing soon becomes swim gear and all those fears of cold river wetness washing lose their grip as you sink, slip, melt into riversong. I can’t point to anything that redeems the loss between souls who no longer share the same beliefs. I can’t find any more ground to stand on with some. But. The river. It took us to the flesh of being, pure raw human wash in a flow no belief system or faith revision can devastate. Why do we leave our rivers, how is it we forget that abandon wily romp of washing human pride in the humble truth of skin baptized in river ride? Why do we shun river’s rippling cleanse? Why can’t we all carry such a place within us, into our daily lives, remembering our vulnerability, our humanity? Sink, slip, melt us all into wholeness…


all these lines,
![IMG_1728[1]](https://jruthkelly.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/img_17281.jpg?w=300&h=225)
criss-crossing “connecting,”
energizing,
crackling communication,
suggesting something huge baking…
(dunno maybe should I even look out the window
over the lines, past the garbled voice and the stupid
logical murdering line of reason after reason to believe
that this is all in my head, this feast, this vision,
this sense of something shining on my skin
and even from deep within?)
while a hum, vibe, drumbeat,
knee-knocking, soul-fattening orb-wonder
-conspiring on the horizon-
shines song, lavishing luxurious unity,
inviting,
begging paupers to grab the gold
and growl, devour the feast
of love, melt into the dirt of earth’s fleshiest fields
and grow this inevitable communion
(will I be consumed? will I lose my rightness, please?
will I shed my robes of “virtue?” will I thrive…?)
beyond illlusion’s solitary now.
divining water ‘neath cracked earth,
digging, clawing, filling jugs,
scraping knees on wooden work,
swelling song and prayers whisper pleading sweat,
rivers begging echoes and canyons misty-wide:
![IMG_1741[1]](https://jruthkelly.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/img_17411.jpg?w=740)
split the divide and pour me out a fusion whole.
this body bends, bends, bends,
sore, stiff-jointed, fading youthfulness
ripening something
oh god let it be something truly sustaining,
glowing,
giving,
receiving, telling stories long past days dry,
flooding deserts, grieving gardens gone,
spreading love lavishing,
calling blooms and plums bursting
beyond this cracked parched pause.
throw the mountains down on these depths
cover me in dross and tangles, slice through the channels
but
i
will
thrive…
this whispering stream of life deeper still,
moss-covered resilience humming…
something ancient, always new.
nothing can kill, mute, destroy
the singing song of soul within
you,
me,
all.

We’re fortunate here in North Carolina thus far this week in spite of recent losses. Tornadoes, not just tidal waves, don’t beg forgiveness. My home had a bit of adventure, big branch crashing down awakening me at 5:15 am, catapulting me out of bed flying. Lightning loves water and Bradford Pear trees hold it well enough to split the night when the bolts come crashing. Something about being dragged out of sleep by reverberating blasts of nature’s brew invigorates and exhausts all at once. It’s been a day already and it’s not even 9:30. Or is it a week in a day? I’m not complaining. I don’t live in Alabama, Mississippi or, amazingly, Georgia where folks (including my parents) huddled in basements and hallways and more than 170 succombed to nature’s brutality. My folks are fine but tired and their home is safe.
I’m struck today how the slightest passage of time, movement of the earth spinning out tales of woe and glory can change a life in just a flash. How that same change ripples across decades, tying some people together in love, tearing others apart. While at Tallulah River I was captivated by the fact that a split second decision to reach out to a gal I didn’t know, after years of being schooled in a highly strict cubicled environment (and rendering me very shy and insecure), has joined 5 children together (especially two gals – our daughters) in ways whispering of generations beyond now. They enjoyed the roaring river call, hugging and huddling at water’s edge, filling my heart with awe. This is heritage. To turn on a dime and make a split second decision, take a risk, follow the heart, trust life’s tides and even, painfully, life’s tidal waves. (And tornadoes)
These events, the trigger effect of choices and their forces, winds and rains speak of the power of the flow of life and of soul. How much more richness and learning supreme we reap when we sow in the winds of intuition, of those nudgings to move in a certain direction or reach out to someone somewhat “foreign” without any logical reason to do so. We might rationalize it, enlist a whole outline of reasons after the fact or during the act but that initial subtle but lightning quick prompt cannot ultimately be fathomed. The depths are way and well beyond us. And that’s a good thing. We need, thrive on mystery.
And so it is. I await the claims adjuster’s call and contemplate friendships near and far, friends safe and saved from harm and how the winds of life’s mysteries have joined us. We all have our days in a morning every now and then, cram-jamming “accidents” and coincidence into meaningful efforts in love while sirens blare and lives are lost or found in the wreckage. We build. We grow. We learn how precious it all is and the treasures life grows up from the cracks grace our lives, and even our tables, with glory we would never fully appreciate were it not for the vulnerability, the potential for loss, the risk we call fate.
On. With. It.

…through my soul
filling all the hungry places
within,
calling out songs ancient,
healing tired corners scorched
by loss,
restoring, reviving, resurrecting
creative flow…