The Moon’s Say So…

The heart of the soles of my feet of dancing sigh…they ache on earth pulsing a song long begun, hearing ancient knowing, yearning through the toes to the top of my head.

No ounce of will can bend the tides without the moon’s say so. No gumption of the reddest desire can re-write the years gone by or shift the mountain aside.

So, my feet wait and sigh, humming earth tunes through my being, reminding centuries of roots stretching deep, breathing life in spite of all the carnage haunting dreams left wanting.

And to my end this may be the most these soles know: to grow old in the hum of an ancient song and wait for the next expression of love, to know that only those gifted with fortunate favor and a timing divine make it beyond the mountain and across the sea, only those who dig deep find the center – the one source shaping stories for love’s next challenge, to know one’s failing may be the other’s best and that a world crawling on her knees never gets invited to the wedding feast.

Courtesy Of Dave Grant, 2011 - 2014
Courtesy Of Dave Grant, 2011 – 2014

Safe Harbor

“One cannot have doubt about that which he wishes to trust. To trust love you must be convinced of love. One cannot admit what he does not yield to. To yield to love you must be vulnerable to love. One cannot love what he does not dedicate himself to. To dedicate yourself to love you must be forever growing in love.” Leo Buscaglia


shore breaks here whisper
something about constancy.
love knows all our fears

tossing in tides of
change. we cling to sea’s uproar
’til the silence sighs

and we float ashore,
tumbling mystery and
faith in what we know.

Blog Post Image 2014
j. ruth kelly, 2014

Bloomers and Braids

Gonna buy me some fabric at the store by the coastal mystery, the one with no roof

and no walls ‘cept for rows and rows of fabric rolled up waiting for newness and creative wonder

and a woman whose hair is white, her hands full of keys, so many keys as she laughs at me, but not mocking.

She’s on the shoreline in the white sand at the counter and the cash register is awaiting her usual purchase. As we laugh and talk, her man is hiding amongst all those reams of fabric, spying out at me, knowing.

His dark highlights contrast against all the pale sand and call to a sea just within reach.
He trusts implicitly the woman with all those keys.

Gonna make me some bloomers from the fabric or, maybe no, I’ll do what the beautiful woman told me to do, “Order it from a catalog” ’cause…

I’ll be too busy having fun, too much going on to bother with patterns and eyelet fabric. Or sewing machines.

But fabric, I’ll abide. It hides all the best secrets and covers the future in white refusal of shame.

Gonna go find those hair bands and all the jewel-toned loose ends plaited neatly into silver sync.

And I will laugh.

And laugh. As the man behind the bolts of fabric, standing there in his safe fear-filled haven hides
and waits for the bloomers to reveal his best days: Unafraid.

One day, I’ll see his face.

j. ruth kelly, 2014, all rights reserved
j. ruth kelly, 2014, all rights reserved

Slipping on Daylight

chasing daylight blind,
slip covering soft on soul…
my eyes failed to see.

unending shimmer
blinding clarity’s assault,
suggested love flow.

and within me now
the seeing reveals truth’s hide.
cover me quickly…

relocate heart within,
and behind the bars of life’s
intended refuge.

 

j. ruth kelly, 2014
j. ruth kelly, 2014

 

 

What It Be…

“Love is a momentary upwelling of three tightly interwoven events: first, a sharing of one or more positive emotions between you and another; second, a synchrony between your and the other person’s biochemistry and behaviors; and third, a reflected motive to invest in each other’s well-being that brings mutual care.” Barbara Fredrickson

Stepping out into a sudden deluge of rainpour, I found wet pavement for my bare feet and a redheaded wonder in tow. After a week of rest after surreal travel setting my health back a bit, this feast was unavoidable. And beyond welcome. My youngest followed me out into the night and the grass underfoot was all squish wonder, wet and cool. The maples overhead, as I walked intently towards the street and the strange light in the torrential night air, fluttered under a relentless pounding wealth, dropping more fat wetness onto the top of my own red head. And I kept walking, my ancient child behind me, chattering, asking me “What are you doing?! Where are you going?!” They were shocked. I had gone from couch to doorway to outside in a fluid, silent spill. I couldn’t respond. I just laughed. Then finally the inner upwelling of little girl spoke, “I have to get out there to the street…” Then I stopped at the curb and stomped in the flow of water running like mad down the road. They balked at my madness, echoing my own endless reflections on non-point source pollution and all the possible chemical ick getting on my skin. I could only laugh, shrug it off “Whatever!” I stepped into the street, realizing my 75 year old Mama was stepping into the yard too, chattering away with my other ancient child, Isaac. They were laughing and following at their own pace. No protection, the intent clear in their progress under the same trees, towards the same street and surreal light. I spread my arms out wide and lifted my face to the downpour. Something I had murmured, I don’t recall, evoked spontaneous response in Evan. They shook their head and smiled and grabbed my arm to pull me into a hug. And held on. For whatever reason, they had needed my silly girl response to rain and fears of stupid chemicals in waterflow. They needed that reminder that I’m playful, girl, not just Mom. Then we were joined by two more and the walk down the road began. My own girlish Mama soaked to the skin and Isaac too, we laughed our way down the street. For a moment we did the silly walk, arm in arm, one leg crossing over the other’s (like the Monkees, if anyone remembers such), singing. But mostly we basked in what it be… in love and torrential earth/sky fusion activities. We made it all the way to the end of the street and I had to turn around. It was the best I could manage after being laid out with my health for a whole week. But what a rush of renewal…

Once back under the maples and away from the street light, we lingered, all of us, chatting and grateful for a rainfall without the risk of lightning and the cool breezes coming up from all the gusty tanglings of elemental surrender. And because my youngest ancient child spoke of how we’d likely forget the moment, however wonderful, I have put this to post here. One day they’ll remember and laugh and the waterflow will call them out for another dance with the agelessness we all embody every once in a while. But I wonder where the world would be were we more eager to forget age and role and hair color and anything but soul as we soak up the song of rain, abandoning custom, worry and obstruction for just one more dance with the child within, how much more freely would love erupt and grow.

j. ruth kelly, all rights reserved, 2014
j. ruth kelly, all rights reserved, 2014

Gated Keep

a question arising
sings my stance:
still,

enclosed; love brews my fresh
refusal
of

drive by blithe, unfeeling.
treasures sweet
melt

into soil infusing
all these hours’
till

j. ruth kelly, 2014, all rights reserved
j. ruth kelly, 2014, all rights reserved

All Those Rivers

my feet find me here
on soil and dirt speaking some
long, unending drum
song sung before all
was lost to progress killing
the unfolding feel
of soul from earth revealing
love’s eternal work.

somehow the dance moves
me beyond the fall and fear,
bounty awaiting.
mind kneels to feel
and naked knowing births earth’s
song from depths ancient.

take me always back
to the animal and sage,
my feet drinking all
those rivers erupting earth’s
resonating love.

j. ruth kelly, 2014, all rights reserved
j. ruth kelly, 2014, all rights reserved

Embracing the Unfathomable…

I falter, from time to time (to time), tripping up on the “why” of things that happen to me and to my loved ones. The arrogance, ultimately, of this venture tells on me. There are so very many factors and variables and layers of realities we cannot fathom that come into play or intersect with our lives. The most we can do is accept any evidence of our own contribution to anything destructive, or our own patterns of self/other sabotage or any number of wicked twists of the internal landscape. And then? We grow, become more aware. And then?

j. ruth kelly, 2014, all rights reserved
j. ruth kelly, 2014, all rights reserved

 

 

We let go. Not all events in our lives, not all phases or past hardships can even withstand or succumb to reason…even after we have noted our contributions (even if we weren’t necessarily the cause!). Our value is so much more than any reasoning could ultimately affirm. Moving on and embracing just how much is truly unfathomable … this is key. We can still make a handiwork of our challenges. We can artfully embody love within and through all the unreasonable, unfathomable goings on. I find all of this affirmed by the brilliant and wise Caroline Myss. Her Facebook page is in my newsfeed and this hit me today with a tremendous gifting of grace…

“Giving up the need to know why something has happened to you will definitely count among the most rigorous personal challenges of your life. Everything about human nature craves an explanation for why events occur as they do. Our sense of reason is more than just an attribute of the mind; it is an archetypal power that governs our capacity to ground our lives and balance the forces of chaos in the world. The power of reason connects us to the rule of law and justice, directing human behavior on that tenuous path of right and wrong. Surrendering the need to know “why” represents the release of an entire inner archetypal map, one that the ego relies on for its strategies of survival in a world we perceive as heavenly influenced by the polarities of right and wrong, good and evil. To surrender runs counter to all your instincts of protection, grounded as they are in your need for personal safety. Your unconscious fear is that to surrender is to release the force of evil in your life without the rule of good to counteract it. We tend to believe, even unconsciously, that if we do good, bad things won`t happen to us. We do not only believe that principle, but also honor and live by it. Yet healing requires you to relinquish your need for an explanation- why, for instance, you experienced a brutal betrayal, or why you must take on the arduous challenge of healing an illness or assisting a loved one who is ill. Understandably, everyone asks, ‘How am I supposed to let go of this need for reasonable explanations?'” – Caroline Myss

Embrace the unfathomable, trust yourself and unfold into life…

Once Buried

what shines out of darkness
and unfolds from the earth,
what wellspring once was buried
now reveals, murmuring miracles
with every rising sun
whispering renewal in the face of stars

as you pass by, unmoved, unseeing…
little miracles everywhere seeing you regardless
singing your own potential
beyond all the noise
noise
noise

go to silence
and see.
go to stillness
and be.

remove the chains claiming “progress”
and know, live the ancient song…

j. ruth kelly, 2014, all rights reserved
j. ruth kelly, 2014, all rights reserved

Do You Hear the Question?

What is life saying to you? Do you hear the melody beneath all the noise? Some melodies are a little more comical than others. I awoke yesterday with a song floating through my head, one I wouldn’t click to listen to or go around the corner or into a next room to bother to hear. I don’t like the musician’s style, etc. But in spite of that and in spite of not having heard the song in what…? Decades? There it was. “I love a rainy night…” by Eddie…Rabbit. Maybe it’s the rabbits hopping through my yard almost every day now, sometimes sprawled out in the grass, with their back legs spread out behind them, big floppy ears down, eyes brown and wide. Does Eddie Rabbit have brown eyes? Is he still alive? No, I just Googled him. He’s not alive. Ok, he’s faded into or burst vibrantly onto/into the next expression of love. But we don’t know him as alive. But I digress and chase rabbits.

What’s the point in the brain hurling up a song I haven’t heard and wasn’t crazy about…? I do like the one line: I love a rainy night.  Oh and “And I love you too…” but the tune? It’s definitely sweet. Just not my cup of tea.

Much later that day, it rained, torrential, before the sun set, before the afternoon had even succumbed to the inevitable fade… and then into the night and the song came drifting back in. I couldn’t help but laugh. Was it just a coincidence? Probably. Maybe. Maybe not. It depends on where you stand and what you believe. Lately, I believe more and more in the purpose of “things” … “things” like stubbed toes, a car almost stolen and all the resulting collisions with other people and events, events we try to fathom as indicating something “good” or “bad” about us or others but… when we let go of having to judge the “goodness” of a situation, we find something deeper, especially if we have open hearts. What is life saying to me?

the rainy nights

the blooming colors

the crisis of meaning a boy has when he’s 12

the endless “coincidental” goings on in a 24 hour period

What do I hear? I hear a universe inviting us to dance. Roll with the ridiculous… shrug off the meanies… and go ahead and love the rainy night.

Something deep is at work. Something bigger than us (love) orchestrates opportunity for proving how precious are our lives… and I suppose the one question I hear every morning when I awaken, whether a song of obscure past experiences heralds the day or not, is this: “How will you make love come alive today?”

Bloom, people… bloom.

j. ruth kelly, 2014, all rights reserved
j. ruth kelly, 2014, all rights reserved