When facing the certainty of uncertainty as so clearly expressed by the George Leonard quote in the previous post, we find stability in cultivating personhood. We go from balm and bother to a sense of our empowerment birthed by our choices, choices to weave consistency in our own lives, consistent and calculated works of love. What love? The love that is both felt and both actualized by our actions. Love as beyond feeling. Love as visionary living. Love, too, as simple rest without anxiety. Love without inhibition.
Can we be assured that, in the end, our life will be viewed and known as effectively living love in action or as consistently humming of integrity? I don’t know. But to do anything only because it will be proven worthwhile is to lose the sense of wonder for the eternal value of the moment. And when we lose the sense of the eternal value of the slightest nanosecond, we lose the future. We lose now. To lose now is to lose later. Besides, the value of the moment does not rest in the proof of anything concrete but in the fact of being. Much like a flower quietly blooming without proof of the worth of that flower, the flower is still precious. And recognition of this is what puts the pulse in our silences, in our efforts to live as effectively as possible and as aware as we can be without spoiling creativity.
Creativity stays alive because focusing on personhood doesn’t mean constant self-scrutiny. It just means diligence in awareness, including the times of consciously choosing to disengage from any intent, any vision. We cycle through awareness. We cycle through disconnection from awareness. And then we reflect and dive back into a time of awareness. It’s constantly changing but the intent is always growth and stabilizing the foundations of person, of self.
So we have balm and bother at every turn. But it’s the stuff of prolific purpose. We rest in the balm of a worth that is so vast we can never truly “prove” it. And we are propelled forward by the bothering and valid need to manifest effectively what we have decided to value. It’s both simple and immeasurable and without these dynamics we lose the vital pulse of aliveness. We lose the resilient sureness in certain uncertainty. We enter the boxed life or the highly controlled environment.
And maybe that is enough for some. It may even be best for some. But the wonderful thing is this: we can choose. We can choose and then rest in the fullness of having a steady center of knowing why we have chosen.
jruthkelly © 2009