“vulnerability…the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love…” “for me… it was a year long streetfight…I lost.” Brené Brown
Love
This is a repeat quote but so worth it…
“Love is possible only if two persons communicate with each other from the center of their existence, hence if each one of them experiences himself from the center of his existence. Only in this ‘central experience’ is human reality, only here is aliveness, only here is the basis of love. Love, experienced thus, is a constant challenge; it is not a resting place, but a moving, growing, working together; even whether there is harmony or conflict, joy or sadness, is secondary to the fundamental fact that two people experience themselves from the essence of their existence, that they are one with each other by being one with themselves, rather than by fleeing from themselves. There is only one proof for the presence of love: the depth of the relationship, and the aliveness and strength in each person concerned; this is the fruit by which love is recognized.” Erich Fromm – The Art of Loving
Spread the Love!
21st Century Enlightenment…
Worth the visual/audio time…
Key element of personal growth… “successfully functioning in society with diverse values, traditions and lifestyles…’requires us to have a relationship to our own reactions rather than be captive of them’…’to resist our tendencies to make right or true that which is merely familiar and wrong or false that which is only strange’…” (partial quote of Robert Kegan, developmental psychologist).
Such is the work and play of self-awareness with a view to a more thoughtful loving practice… “a relationship to our own reactions” means, to my mind, developing a thorough capacity to examine our reactions, theorize as to their influences and motivations and discern how much of our integrity is compromised by any contributing factors. How are “these reactions” symptoms of a deep need for discovery of personal truths and visionary self-guided purpose in resonance with whatever manifestation of Divine guidance we choose to rely on OR choose NOT to rely on? How are “these reactions” a manifestation of a refusal to make choices? How are “these reactions” a manifestation of a deep resistance to _____? It’s not necessarily about finding the right counselor as it is about being willing to ask the tougher questions (but great counseling is so vital!).
And on it goes. But we do land. We do conclude and act on those conclusions and then check back in with “our own reactions.” This is “a relationship to our own reactions.” We are not on auto-pilot doling out ripples on the pond blithely unaware…
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Loving Concentration . . .
“To be concentrated means to live fully in the present, in the here and now, and not to think of the next thing to be done, while I am doing something right now. Needless to say that concentration must be practiced most of all by people who love each other. They must learn to be close to each other without running away in the many ways in which this is customarily done. The beginning of the practice of concentration will be difficult; it will appear as if one could never achieve the aim. That this implies the necessity to have patience need hardly be said. If one does not know that everything has its time, and wants to force things, then indeed one will never succeed in becoming concentrated–nor in the art of loving…One cannot learn to concentrate without becoming sensitive to oneself.” Erich Fromm – The Art of Loving
Cultivating concentration can be so difficult because we’re taught to be something other than sensitive. The barrage of messages are many: “Toughen up, kiddo. Brush it off, move on. Let it roll… Go. Go. Go. Show the proof you’re worth something! Whatcha got? What’d you DO, MAKE, PRODUCE? What?! Do it NOW.” Life created by the industrial revolution is something a bit automaton, no? Even if we don’t succomb to the vibes, they’re there trying to assert destructive criticism as we reach to type out the next chapter of a book that surely no one will want to publish (says the vibe screaming, anyway). Now our technology makes us more “efficient.” The need to concentrate and cultivate sensitivity is critical only to the point the political or philosophical advantage is secured. What it could mean as a way of life, as the artfulness in our loving is an obscure song long gone for most.
Then some of us are just sensitive to the nth degree and we grow up feeling like a big baby with an alternate “tough guy” persona pulled out for the more awkward moments. A safe mask to keep people from criticizing who we really are. Until. Until we discover that sensitivity is something other than a bane on the landscape of soul. It’s the greatest fecundity of our fields, yielding fruit supreme beyond the briars of our toughest moments. Go back to those most sensitive moments when you were criticized hugely for “over-reacting” and love yourself to pieces. Discover what was awesome about that sensitivity.
Such discovery is essential to developing ourselves beyond the token “listening” and “communicating” in our closest relationship. Some of the more important layers of personal growth require we dig deep into self-awareness and damn the tough-guy programming. Why am I feeling this way right now? Why are my thoughts going in this direction? What do I believe of my own existence along these lines? How does it influence my dialogue with those I love?
And that sensitivity must include loving acceptance of what we discover of our souls and commitment to work through and manage the muck…
Spread the Love!
Soul Mates
“We must be under no illusion that all soul mates are meant to last a lifetime. Some are only meant to last a moment. That brief soul gaze with a ‘stranger’ at the grocery store that reminded you of your own essence was just right. That unexpected weekend encounter that set your spirit to soar is perfect. That great love that walked away after cracking your heart open was just what the soul doctor ordered. Whatever you need to smooth the rough diamond of the soul. No matter how long they last, profound connections paint pictures of possibility in the sky, expanding our lens for all eternity.” – Jeff Brown
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Tallulah Therapy
Eight days in Georgia trail behind me now but the water flows more surely within, winding a path of constancy beyond the landslides. The river bathed us in that abandon found when skin sings shock and joy in water barely warmed in summer’s pounding sun. We laughed in a circle of light and water less wily, floating, hair flowing out ahead, forgetting our differences, our past lives, the scars beneath. We followed my two sons in their quest for the sun’s lingering shine on a river we all love. Their little adventure ended in a place perfect where only the crippled and soul-dry weary walk away, a place where clothing soon becomes swim gear and all those fears of cold river wetness washing lose their grip as you sink, slip, melt into riversong. I can’t point to anything that redeems the loss between souls who no longer share the same beliefs. I can’t find any more ground to stand on with some. But. The river. It took us to the flesh of being, pure raw human wash in a flow no belief system or faith revision can devastate. Why do we leave our rivers, how is it we forget that abandon wily romp of washing human pride in the humble truth of skin baptized in river ride? Why do we shun river’s rippling cleanse? Why can’t we all carry such a place within us, into our daily lives, remembering our vulnerability, our humanity? Sink, slip, melt us all into wholeness…
Spread the Love!
“Love’s Liquid Lava”
“I look forward to the day when the only thing that ignites relationship is two souls calling out to one another, two soul-hearts beating in the same direction, a whisper of longing that bridges one essence to another. I want to want you not because it gratifies my ego, not because you are outwardly beautiful, but because your very presence invites my Godself out of hiding. I want to touch you with my heart on my sleeve, to know chemistry between us that is not gender identified, but that is essence sourced, loves liquid lava flowing from the heart to the genitals to the great beyond. In this love-struck world, relationship will always be experienced as spiritual practice, a devotional expression of our God-self.”
Jeff Brown – Soul Shaping
All I can say is amen…
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Schoolgirl?!
My words are being used for classes drowning me in homework, essay preps and speeches down the road. Day two and I’ve spent an hour and a half running through the exercises for my Critical Thinking class.
I know it’s basic. But it takes time I had been using elsewhere. I find my creative flow is used up when I sit down to blog. Og og og… But I’m loving Fromm in my mini-breaks from homework (I love homework. Been doing it for over 2 decades but only within the constraints of my personal dictates.). He puts Freud in proper perspective and love in a place that is accessible, solid and without illusion. Not for the faint-hearted and a sure cure for narcissistic distortions.
So, since I’ve got to next focus on what I see unfolding for me in my Public Speaking class, Western World Lit – Advanced (omg, killing me after years of falling in love with the mind of the East) and Statistics, I’m tossing Fromm quotes on the table for “fun.” These are speaking to me lately since I tend to rant about love and quote greats on love and nowhere do I try to identify what it is (as if! cough…). I see, know and experience love on spiritual levels that play out on the solid physical planes of existence and my ability to put it into words that adequately conveys is lacking. I tend to go off on poetic rambles useful only to myself. Fromm, on the other hand, has mastered the best definition I have yet to find or create. To start with, he slices and dices at what love is NOT:
“Automatons cannot love; they can exchange their ‘personality packages’ and hope for a fair bargain.”
“Love is not the result of adequate sexual satisfaction, but sexual happiness–even the knowlede of the so-called sexual technique–is the result of love…The study of the most frequent sexual problems…shows that the cause does not lie in a lack of knowledge of the right technique, but in the inhibitions which make it impossible to love.”
“Love as mutual sexual satisfaction, and love as ‘teamwork’ and as a haven from aloneness, are the two ‘normal’ forms of the disintegration of love in modern Western society, the socially patterned pathology of love.”
“Another form of pseudo-love is what may be called ‘sentimental love.’ Its essence lies in the fact that love is experienced only in phantasy and not in the here-and-now relationship to another person who is real…As long as love is a daydream, they [lovers/partners] can participate; as soon as it comes down to the reality of the relationship between two real people–they are frozen.”
And here’s my favorite identification of what love IS:
“Love is possible only if two persons communicate with each other from the center of their existence, hence if each one of them experiences himself from the center of his existence. Only in this ‘central experience’ is human reality, only here is aliveness, only here is the basis for love.
Love, experienced thus, is a constant challenge; it is not a resting place[!!!], but a moving, growing, working together; even whether there is harmony or conflict, joy or sadness, is secondary to the fundamental fact that two people experience themselves from the essence of their existence, that they are one with each other by being one with themselves [emphasis mine], rather than by fleeing from themselves. There is only one proof for the presence of love: the depth of the relationship, and the aliveness and strength in each person concerned; this is the fruit by which love is recognized.”
These all come from Fromm’s awesome book, The Art of Loving. And I’ve likely already put it on this blog. Maybe not. But it’s worth embracing, revolutionizing a life intent on knowing and being known in love, as love, for love, by love…you get it.
jrk
J. Ruth Kelly 