Everywhere, all the time, everyday, without fail, I can find a post, a tweet, an ad about how to end or oust or reverse negativity whether I want to or not. It’s there. And it sometimes makes me cringe. What does the author, expert, person mean by “negativity?” What do I mean when I use that word? Negativity is the reality of being negative without considering the alternative positive possibility, being negative without opening up to life’s lessons, being negative out of sheer habit or sheer stubborn refusal of anything else, out of total lack of imagination. Professional “stick in the mud.” But. Here’s where the cringe comes in for me…If you oust or otherwise curtail negativity without owning up to why it exists, why it is such a comfy thing for you, and do not discover where it started, then you’ve just painted over it. You’ve not grown. You’ve changed your stripes.
Another cringe-catalyst: if you can’t handle the downside of life and toss anyone who is real about their pain, their struggles, their confusion into the “negative” pot, then you’re possibly afraid of life, afraid and unable to truly, fully be with, be with self, be with others. Be with ALL that life is. Guess what? Life can chew you up, spit you out and leave you without recourse. And to have a season of grief, of floundering in the dark is good for the soul. It brings you to deeper awareness, to a place of knowing what needs to come next so you can smile from within.
Authenticity, a sometimes risky unfolding of self, a sometimes “negative” aspect of amness is the higher call for me. Sometimes we roil in truthativity and it’s not pretty. It’s not pleasant. The roiling isn’t fun for others. What if your life has come to that point of enough is enough and the rumblings of change begin with a “sour attitude” for, well, for days or weeks? But what if the sour attitude is down there hiding under the smile because you know negativity isn’t helpful? It’s true that oftentimes the only way to manage our worlds with finesse is to put up that front of positivity. But at some point, negativity – depending on what that words means to you – needs to be seen for what it is: an opportunity to discover what needs to change, a chance to affirm the soul’s needs and desires, an aspect of self screaming for growth.
There are people who live to gaslight, to confuse and invalidate anyone who isn’t being happy in their presence. They need a lot of help and don’t realize they need help. Meanwhile, there are the less obvious ones who are also running from the help they need. They may be a respected advisor or life coach or guru of some type, influencing many to “be positive” when they really have no idea what they’re hiding from within their own being. The more a leader uses the words “let’s be positive” or “positivity”, the more I cringe because it’s a generalization suggesting avoidance of particulars: particular needs, particular wounds, particular desires. An entrenched positivity bias can suggest that person just doesn’t want to be bothered with anything that isn’t feeding their worldview or confirming their bias towards denial of life’s more challenging and often downright mean times. And they may need that bias for a season. If you don’t, you’re really allowed to move on and find the influence your soul truly requires.
Literally, if I encounter a leader or influencer online (or in daily life) who is stuck on the “p” word, I turn around and move in the other direction or I gently challenge what they mean by “positive”. And then I move on if I can because our culture, society at large especially here in the US, has become the Borg-like beast it is for so many because folks have been railroaded by the system, by an economy bent on impoverishing many for the benefit of the few who are in leadership mostly for their own advantage. The system this has created insists we all pretend and “stay positive” as it hounds us, refusing our humanity at almost every turn. The same system has caused us to normalize numbness, to normalize being so busy we can barely breathe and at the same time, we’re expected to find the beauty. It can be nearly impossible to do so at times, can’t it?
The truth that pulls me out of the slump of despair so often is this: we don’t create a better world by pretending we’re okay with the one we’re enduring, but neither do we create a better world by being mired in the negative aspects of that same world. We must develop an eye for the beauty and possibility around us. We must envision the better world and after a while, focusing solely on the negative can cripple the capacity to see or birth a better world (world does not have to be the whole world, okay? it’s your world I speak of here). I find power in cyclical visits with the truths that remain true in my world, like perhaps my financial situation still needs a revolution along certain lines, and I sit with how that feels and how much it hurts. Then I ask myself to find the solutions and in the meantime, I avoid being negative or sour about what has yet to change. If I find I can’t avoid the negativity, then I assume something deeper needs my attention.
It’s important to always ask this before rushing to “fix” “negativity”: Would we label any human process or mood as “negativity” with any real regularity if we were aware of how deeply vital the processes of personal growth are? Would we fixate on being “positive” if we valued authenticity to the point of growing beyond anything anyone could truly categorize as “negativity?” If you’re negative all the time, what needs are you ignoring that you can actually address and make better for yourself? We don’t want to get there by being motivated to not be negative as much as we want to be inspired by the validity of what it is to feel and to be the humans we are each day.
True authenticity won’t drag anyone down in the long run, not if it’s about growth, about finding the strength to let go or stand firm as needed. If all you can see is the glass half empty, dig deep, find the reason and heal the source. Then you won’t have to put on the positive, it’ll flow from deep within…
I really like this. I so agree with what you say and I feel the authenticity in your words. The way I see it feelings are meant to be felt and processed. All feelings! Even the so called negative ones. The only really negative vibe comes when fear stops us from doing that… and even convinces us that we should brush them under the rug… and pretend. No way! Look at them and FEEL their source. They are a gift! Thanks for reminding us of this Ruth.
Beautiful input heartminer… thanks for adding your voice and perspective. 🙂
Thanks for the truth, Ruth! So very well explained and such very necessary words….
I recently “ditched” someone in my life that is negative without purpose – he is, as you said, a sourpuss, for no other reason than he simply doesn’t know how to be anything more than a Whiny Willy. I don’t want that in my life. But to commiserate with others for a grander purpose – maybe that of spiritually evolving? – is an altogether different matter. I’m not negative. But I’ll stammer and cry like a baby just before I reach that critical point of enlightenment that results in POSITIVE CHANGE. After all, without the means to an end, what’s the point of emotion?
Love you xoxox
Love it… If I couldn’t cry with those who get it, who aren’t afraid of what it means to be human, I’d be lost. Those times of getting the real on really bring about the needful growth. It’s a far cry from negativity. But it does surprise me how many lump “solid real” in with “negativity.”
Love you right back 🙂